Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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