omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Two words: blizzard sex
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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