she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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