dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
