And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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