hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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