The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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