I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you didnt know i had herpes?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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