why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize