2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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