she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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