I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
