My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
