I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
