we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
sex in a hospital.. check
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
