dude i'm inner monologue high
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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