I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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