The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
