Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
