im drinking this country out of the recession.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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