The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
false alarm. still invincible.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Randomize
