My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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