I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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