I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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