woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
