just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
