he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize