I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
