Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
