we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
