just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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