you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
