There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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