Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
