what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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