WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
