You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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