first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
