I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
