I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
farters have to be the big spoon...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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