So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
