thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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