AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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