Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
