found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
