i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
