New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.