your parents love me but you hate me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
