I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
