He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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