in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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