Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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