Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
