ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
