Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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