Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
