I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize