Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Less talking, more tequila
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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