you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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