you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
