Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
