Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
