Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
