i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
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It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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