I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
