we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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