1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
