I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
sex in a hospital.. check
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
